To blog or not to blog

Yes I know the title is a bit trite and over used, but it is how I feel today.

What do I write? How much of my life and feelings do I share? Do I really want to emotionally expose myself to the world? Is there anybody that really cares about this or does that really matter? Why blog in the first place?

Not sure how to answer any of those tonight. I must believe that my life beyond my family has meaning and purpose and matters to somebody. I guess that is what faith is. Working from home for so long has skewed my self perception. I have accomplished so many cool things in my life. But they all just seem like distant memories now. Many of the people I have know over the years have become nothing more than acquaintances. I have often wondered if that is because of my circumstance or because of my personality or one of many other reasons. Am I unapproachable? Do people find me intimidating in some way, or the opposite?

For tonight these are just some of my unanswered questions. I think the best thing I can do is to say there I have asked the questions, and then let them go. Some questions just don't need answers. My wife has pointed out over the many years we have been together, that I tend to see things and ask questions that most people don't. She did not like going to movies with me sometimes because I would point out flaws in the story line or technical quality of a movie. She has this tremendous talent to let herself get lost in a story. To accept that in print and on the stage or screen, the laws of physics do not need apply. She can look at the story the same way a child would and just for a moment accept that boys can fly, time travel is common place, pirates are good, magic is real and hobbits live just on the other side of the valley. I love that about her. I love that she can help me see things through her eyes. (And they are even more clear now she has had LASIK.) There is no other soul on this earth that has helped me to see the value in living than her.

So now what? I offer you, whoever you are, a simple idea. Over thinking just keeps you up late and makes you groggy in the morning.

I can only speak for myself.

The past 10 days have been crazy. One of those times that there seems to be more work than hours in the day. I found that after working all day long, I had lost the desire to write. Partially because I had so much to do, and partially because I questioned if it was worth the time. The jury is still out on that one.

I really don't know what other home office experiences are. I work for a company and have regular hours and responsibility much like working in an office. My hours are not as flexible as they would be if I was self employed.  I work with and know people who are self employed and I think that they would say that their hours are not that flexible either. There is something to be said for those of you how risk it all and depend solely on yourself for that paycheck.

But this blog is not about comparisons of what life style is better or worse. It is about me and my own struggle to balance my worlds when they all reside under on roof.

So what is so important that I feel like sharing today?

That would have to be a sense of accomplishment. I had one of those days today where things just worked out. Not that today was easy, but I was able to work through some frustrating problems. I finished a database report script that has been driving me insane for a week just to have it followed up by another data challenge. This one should have been easy but because of poor documentation and a support team that sent me heading south when I should have gone north. Once I took a step back and walked through the problem with a new member of the support team, it all fell into place. I think the support agent thought I was crazy because I really did not ask her many questions. In fact, my parting statement to her was to thank her for being somebody that I could talk the problem through with that knew what I was talking about. I have tried to talk things through with members of my family, and they try to understand, but they just don't have that understanding that would allow them to say. "Hey look you forgot to check that obscure barely document box."

I was then able to finish a book cover, fix a bike, repair a broken sprinkler system,  set up a new watering system for the garden, work out a small fence for the garden, and kill 100 mosquitoes.

So will anyone find this post interesting? Maybe. But I guess that really does not matter.
The important thing is that I a still here plugging away eating an elephant one bite at a time.

Taking a Break is OK

As you can see from the dates on my blog, it has been a few days since my last post. I had some family things come up and took a break.

Now if I can just get used to doing that during the day. I have found that I frequently sit down in the morning and will go the whole day without really taking a break. I always have something to do or someone who needs something done. I will stop to eat, but that involves walking into the other room, grabbing some food ans sitting right back down at my desk.

I need to learn to just stop and step away from the computer for a few min and do something requiring more than just typing and moving the mouse. Going for a walk, a quick bike ride, jumping jacks, running in place or just stretching. It sometimes requires setting a specific time for a break. There will always be something that will seem more important, but you just have to do the Nike thing. "Just do it"

I will give it a try this week  see how it goes.

Only the Lonley

If there is one thing that 10 years in this office has taught me, is that it is easy to shut the rest of the world out. My circle of friends that I socialize with in the real world has dwindled over the years. It has come to the point now, that unless there is a family, church or school activity I don't do anything with anyone anymore. I used to have game nights, and would have people over quite frequently. I think I have lost the will and the confidence to invite others over anymore. I have made the assumption that if nobody has  looked to me to socialize that I am  therefore outside of the social circles and not wanted company. However, I know that this is not the case.

Not to long ago, I was talking with one of my kids about friends. The conversation was about how from the child's point of view that nobody wanted to be friends. There was a camp coming up and they did not want to go because they were certain the everyone else had friends and they would be alone. As it turned out many of the other kids at the camp were experiencing the same thing.

I am certain that I am not alone and thought that I would reach out to fellow home office people who are in the Provo area and see if there would be an interest in having a regular "Only the lonely" lunch. Anybody that wanted could come. I was thinking every other Wednesday or something like that at one of the fine eateries in the valley. Marley's at Timp Harley is good. If you re interested, you can email me. My contact info is part of my profile on the right.